Jim Halpert

Sarah told me the other day that I had to save a little bit of apple cider in the large glass bottle because it took her family a long time to save up for it.

Haha. That was the bestest prank ever. Fantastic. Jim Halpert worthy.

Poop

This is our first post written together, as true Biffles.

Yeah. Take that.

I am currently sitting on a chair in Sarah's dining room. And Sarah is lecturing me on how it's not a living room, like I initially called it.

It's actually the formal (bam. italicized word) dining room.

Anywho. For this post, we will be talking about relationship advice.

Guys are lame. The end.

Don't fall for their googly eye tricks. Boys these days are greedy, absurd, and as my mother says, they only want one thing. Of course, this depends on the guy.

99% guys are lame.

I bet we are having more fun writing this post than when you will read it.

Ok. Well. I have Burlesque nails.

And Sarah painted my nails an awesome purpley sparkle color. For the New Year's. But this has nothing to do with relationships.

Ok. Allow me to give you guys pearls o' wisdom on relationships. Guys are pretty stupid. Like, unintelligent.

She only had one pearl of wisdom. Also. Guys seriously lack in the common sense department. Until, one day they grow up. When that happens...............umm...I don't know what'll happen then.

On a more important note, Kill Bill 3 is coming out in 2014. I am excited.

How absurd Sarah is. That has NOTHING to do with our relationship advice. Unless you watch that movie on a date. I wouldn't recommend that. I have never seen it, but it sounds pretty vicious for a date.

Whatevs. It's awesome. I'll probably marry a guy that likes Kill Bill. That will be the telling sign.

I will probably marry a guy who likes Spongebob. Or maybe who has traveled to Africa. Or who can make other people laugh. Or who knows how to dress well. I dunno. Or a guy who likes Psych.

Yeah, that too. Oddly enough, me talking about Kill Bill has turned into relationship stuff.

That's really cool. I think we are done with this post. So...marry someone you admire. And who makes you become a better person. And Sarah says that sometimes she can't understand Shakira. Sarah, that's because she speaks spanish.

Then why is she talking about Africa in Spanish? I'm pretty sure the Negro's don't appreciate that.

ARE YOU READY?

THIS POST IS ALL IN CAPS BECAUSE SOMETHING OOBER EXCITING IS COMING UP.

FIRST OF ALL, ME AND SARAH ARE GOING TO WORK ON OUR BLOG.........TOGETHER!

AREN'T YOU FOLLOWERS EXCITED??

AND ALSO ALL OF YOU WHO LOOK AT OUR BLOG BUT NEVER CLICK THE "FOLLOW" BUTTON, YOU SHOULD BE EXCITED, TOO.

BUT, THIS WILL BE THE FIRST TIME THAT WE WILL REDESIGN AND MAKE OUR BLOG MUCH BETTER, AND AS I SAID BEFORE....TOGETHER.

AFTER ALL, AS FELLOW HUMAN BEING, MUSICIAN➘, AND SURFER↑, JACK JOHNSON SAYS: "WE ARE BETTER TOGETHER." ↓

HAVE A REALLY GREAT DAY, WEEK, AND NEW YEAR.

-MALLORY

P.S. ISN'T SHE FUNNY?

⇓

New Years Resolutions

Okay....here goes.


For the year of 2011, here are my goals.


And I will accomplish them this time.


I will, I will.

1. I am going to use my loud voice and my whistle at work.
2. I am going to do yoga regularly.
3. I am going to read the entire Book of Mormon.  (I have been wanting to finish it for years.  Somehow, I haven't.)
4. I am going to do the splits (as a result of doing yoga...I have wanted to do the splits forever).

For something fun:

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Oh, how I love Johnny Depp in this movie:

Willy Wonka: Do you like my meadow? Try some of my grass! Please have a blade, please do, it's so delectable and so darn good looking! 
Charlie Bucket: You can eat the grass? 
Willy Wonka: Of course you can! Everything in this room is eatable, even *I'm* eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. 

Yeah, you should definitely watch this movie.

-Mallory

Crying

Here's what I think of crying.

(This is in response to this blog post: http://kirstensouth.blogspot.com/ (Breaking Down)).

I hate to cry.

But sometimes it makes me feel so good.

Yet so pitiful.

I feel like whenever I cry I am just having a pity party for myself.  

In words of the good leaders and inspirational people of our world, the way to be happy is by helping others.

But sometimes, you just need to fix your own problems first. 

Like on airplanes, if the plane starts crashing down, the flight attendants say to put your own oxygen mask on first, so you can help the people surrounding you, and your loved ones.

Crying makes me feel weak.

For the first time yesterday in a very long time, I wept.

And no, it was not for anybody else.

I felt selfish.

I cried because I was sorry for myself.

Sorry that I couldn't accomplish my goals and dreams of perfection.

Sorry that I was so sad.

But I told myself to just cry.

Not to hide my tears after my emotions building up for years and years of stress,

and high school,

and problems, 

and drama,

and more stress.

It didn't really fix all my problems.

But it relieved some of my stress.

Because I realized, I can't be perfect.

I can't be some awesome, amazing, do all good person that is perfect in every single way,

like Mary Poppins.

I do wish.

I do dream.

But sometimes those dreams and goals can harm me and you.

So don't tear yourself down.

Don't beat yourself up, as my Coach said.

A part of me will always be sad for what I cannot do, 

and maybe someday I will get there,

but it's not worth despairing over,

I have almost fully realized.

I realize that I just need to be happy.

I need family,

friends,

love, 

God,

service,

and laughter,

and passions.

So, be happy.

Be happy that you can breathe,

talk,

hear,

see,

smell,

and move.

You are alive.

So be alive.

-Mallory

Let them eat cake, she says, just like Marie Antoinette

I don't really like to blog about clothes. It's just not my thing. As close as fashion is to my heart, I just don't like to blog about clothes.

But alas, today, shall be the exception.

Today, I shall blog about clothes.

Never again though, I swear.

Might I direct your attention to the right?

Reader, meet Trouve' Assumption Wedge Boot.

Trouve' Assumption Wedge Boot, Reader.

This, as you might guess, is what I am asking "Santa" for, for Christmas. Nothing more. Just this.

The only thing that somewhat worries me is the fact that they are 4 inch heels with a 3/4 inch platform (which, DOES mean that I shall be 6 feet tall with these beauties on). I don't want to be walking along all awesome and fall on my face like a loser.

I imagine this is what Luke Skywalker felt like when he was first presented a lightsaber. It's like "Wow, this thing is so awesome, but I don't know how to use it."

Worst case though, I will just walk around my house with them on until I can walk without looking like a spaz.

But, I don't want to get ahead of myself. I can't be certain that these Gaga-worthy shoes are going to fly with The Parents. All I can do is hope and dream.

I might end up having to scrape up the money and pay for these bad boys myself.

If they still have any 9 1/2's left after Christmas.

Seriously, if I get on Nordstrom.com 3 weeks from now and see that all they have is 10's left, I am going to die of unfulfilled boot-lust.

Confessions to People

Like Sarah, I need to make some confessions.

It's not necessary to make-out all over my friends locker at school.

You don't need to make fun of others to feel good about yourself.

Stop asking me to cheat in school for you.

I like to laugh at all your secrets displayed on online social networking places.

I laugh at your fool-ness.

I wish I was rich.

And stop giggling so much.
wait...I suppose I giggle a-lot.

*giggle giggle*

maybe i oughtta stop that.

maybe not.

it helps me survive.


I don't like it when you make up stuff.

I don't like it when you make that smirky face at me.

I don't like it when you think you are smarter than everyone around you.

I don't like it when you avoid my eye contact.

I don't appreciate your rude-ness.

I wouldn't mind to push you right now.

I don't like it when you bash my best friends.

I don't like it when you are fake.

I don't like to pretend.

I don't like how my hair has split ends.

I don't like it when I make an effort to acknowledge you, and you don't.

 I suppose that's life.

Some people make efforts,


and some don't.


That's just how it goes, in every aspect of living.



Please be happy.

As Audrey Hepburn said:

The prettiest girls are the happiest girls.

I guess that goes with guys,
you might wanna change "prettiest" to "handsome-est".

Something like that.

(My two favorite descriptive words are gorgeous and handsome.  Aren't they such beautiful words?)

-Mallory


P.S.  Tell Sarah to blog something.

I love

The foamy cream on top of Hot Chocolate.

From Flickr.

To Whip My hair Back and Forth

This Leather Jacket

The sartorialist